The cherry trees are in bloom all over Kensington. It is a London spring moment, when the city’s ornamental trees burst into flower before anywhere else: golden forsythia, waxy magnolia, sugary pink almonds. In the parks and private gardens, the bushes and trees hold a grand ball, throwing their gorgeous colours against the white painted houses in the sharp spring air, as the lowly daffodils and narcissi dance beneath their grand Oriental display.
On one of these glorious days I go walking across the parks of London and find myself in South Kensington at a dress shop. I am standing in a changing room wearing an outfit I once beheld in a dream: an elegant jump-suit made of crinkly dark grey material. It is the kind of dress a fashionable extraterrestrial might wear, or a modern Joan of Arc. It fits like a glove. I am amazed by the coincidence. I have always wanted to wear a dress like this. But as I stare into the mirror I am shocked I cannot find myself. “I” have disappeared. It feels as though the dress is wearing me, and not the other way round. I suddenly feel very uncomfortable.
This warrior outfit has been
designed by the visionary Japanese fashion designer, Issey Miyake. Years ago I
was invited by Issey Miyake to visit Japan as a honoured guest, with several
other fashion editors from around the
world. We were entertained like royalty. I had never been treated so well in
the whole of my life. Everything was paid for: our hotel bills, our expenses. When
we walked into clothes shops we were told to help ourselves. Beautiful meals
were constructed in our honour, elaborate courses based on the theme of autumn,
adorned with small maple leaves and twigs. We were chauffeured everywhere, put
on luxury trains that took us to all the major cities. We slept in mountain lodges with paper windows,
sat in cedarwood baths, visited red and gold temples.
Meanwhile, as the purpose of the visit, we attended the conference on the future of fashion where Miyake talked eloquently about the earth and the fabrics that demanded such a high price from the natural world - things which at that time I had never considered. The fabrics of Japan are unique, as are their designs. The Japanese attitude towards the material of life is quite different from that of Europe. It has a rigorous abstract aesthetic that Miyake felt was being undermined by the coarser narrative and glamour of the West. This aesthetic is expressed in a myriad ways - from the simplicity of their Zen gardens, to the innovative and elegant way parcels are wrapped, the reverence with which everyone sits underneath the cherry blossom at Springtime. The Japanese are also phenomenal consumers of rainforest wood. Rayon is their principle fashion fabric, so it was apposite that these things were being discussed.
Meanwhile, as the purpose of the visit, we attended the conference on the future of fashion where Miyake talked eloquently about the earth and the fabrics that demanded such a high price from the natural world - things which at that time I had never considered. The fabrics of Japan are unique, as are their designs. The Japanese attitude towards the material of life is quite different from that of Europe. It has a rigorous abstract aesthetic that Miyake felt was being undermined by the coarser narrative and glamour of the West. This aesthetic is expressed in a myriad ways - from the simplicity of their Zen gardens, to the innovative and elegant way parcels are wrapped, the reverence with which everyone sits underneath the cherry blossom at Springtime. The Japanese are also phenomenal consumers of rainforest wood. Rayon is their principle fashion fabric, so it was apposite that these things were being discussed.
One night in Kyoto we went to a
traditional restaurant with various business men. We sat on the floor and behind each of us
kneeled a geisha girl in rigorous attire. Occasionally they would serve us food
and pour out sake in perfect silence. Their stiff clothes and their painted
faces and submissiveness made me feel quite uncomfortable. All the visitors
exchanged glances at each other, not knowing quite how to respond to this part
of our show. I am remembering this moment as I stand here in South Kensington
in my fashion suit.
No one except a Japanese craftsmen
could have created this kind of suit. It is made from the fabric that made
Miyake famous in the West. Only Mario Fortuny in the 1920’s had worked with this
crinklecut before. Evening dresses that could be squeezed into a small shape in
your hand, that never need ironing, that always make you look like a million
dollars. The material hugs the body instantly and lends your whole physical
being a certain elegance and shape, making you shimmer in the metallic hues of
gold, silver, copper, bronze, like a classical statue.
My dress was pewter-coloured, just
like my dream. It fitted perfectly. It was not even very expensive. But as I
looked at myself, I suddenly felt overcome with something I could not name. When would I wear such a garment? I
thought.
It was then that I saw myself in a vision. I was paused on a stair, held in a certain moment. It was the stairway of a grand hotel, and there was a dark man on the dining floor below. There was a place set for me, and he was waiting. It was the moment when he saw me, would then rise, greet me and allow me to sit down.
It was then that I saw myself in a vision. I was paused on a stair, held in a certain moment. It was the stairway of a grand hotel, and there was a dark man on the dining floor below. There was a place set for me, and he was waiting. It was the moment when he saw me, would then rise, greet me and allow me to sit down.
But I am not that woman. I was
never that woman and moreover, I had never wanted to be that woman. This dress
was designed for someone who would serve a man, and whom a man would formally
make a place for, as she descended the stair, shimmering in all her metallic
colours, in all her jewels. There was an ancient agreement between them, except
that I have never made it.
“It’s beautiful,” I said to the
shop assistant. “But I am going to leave it.”
“It looked good on you,” she said
simply.
“Yes,” I said, “I know. But I don’t
have any occasion to wear it.”
That was the last time I considered
fashion. For years I had worked in this world and known it in so many ways. And
now it had suddenly lost all its meaning, all its alllure.
Later I walked home through Holland
Park. There was a peacock amongst the
cherries and camellias and as I walked by, he opened his glorious tail. There is such beauty in the world! I
thought and was filled with all the excitement of Spring. The cherry tree is an
ecstatic tree. Like all the rose trees – apple, hawthorn, almond, plum and all
the soft fruit trees - it has a profound effect on the way you feel. Its masses
of pink blossom and its autumn-red leaves, give you, as you stand beneath its
branches, a great soaring hope and inspiration for life. I have made a tincture
of wild cherries, and found that one sip can give you this feeling as well. Its
scented bark is a traditional remedy for the lungs, helping you to breathe more
freely. Everything about this tree lifts you up, opens things up. When the
peacock unfurls his tail of rainbow colour, the blossom of a tree appears at the
end of a street, and as you put on a new dress, you feel for a moment
transcended. And it is at that moment you find yourself on that imaginal stair.
There is a lot of power in that
moment. It is a moment that millons of women fantasise about. That one moment
of blossom, where the man is waiting, beholding you, finding you beautiful.
Millions of dresses pour out of the
factories all over the East to fulfil that one moment. The geisha moment. It is
repeated again and again. Never quite reached, never lived out. Then the tail
descends, the bloom fades, the dress doesn’t fit, and you search for another,
and then another.
I am not going to be in that moment.
I am not going to be in that moment.
If we could be beautiful like the
peacock, with simplicity. If we could unfold ourselves, each with our own
natural beauty. Not just for this one Spring but always. Because our beauty in
a cage is not real beauty. It is a glamour, a moment wherein we are stuck and
doomed eternally to repeat; beheld by another, but possessing no qualities of
our own, except that we adorn and serve some business that is not ours to
question. Real beauty is something inner, something deeper, something more
lasting. It is in the whole tree, its roots, its branches. And that whole tree
has its own mystery. It is intact.
Somewhere miles from here there
stands a wild cherry tree in a wood and the tincture I will make from its fruit
one year later is delicious, rather like sloe or damson gin. Except I put no
sugar in it, so it has an aftertaste of bitter almonds that all roses posses, a
taste that lingers on your tongue, long after the fragrance has gone, that is
not covered over with artificial sweetness. That taste is prussic acid. It is
the poison of the rose.
This poison says that no matter how
beautiful you are on the outside, no matter how many dresses you wear, or how
many times the man does, or does not wait for you at the bottom of the stair,
there is a price to pay, and some day you will have to pay it. That if you are
smart you will pay this now. While you can. You will put your dress aside and
think about the inside of your being, what treasures lie in your bones, what
kind of wild beautiful hope you carry in your cells, what kind of rosy fire
that will exalt us all - not just to illuminate a private fantasy, but for real.
from 52 Flowers That Shook My World - A Radical Return to Earth
from 52 Flowers That Shook My World - A Radical Return to Earth